Tuesday, February 03, 2004

It all comes back to knitting.

A one-act play on the long-anticipated arrival of the Chicago Manual of Style (15th ed.) in the office of Alison and Danny, performed via the office messenger system.

DANNY: The fifteenth edition is here! How exciting!

ALISON: Yes, I'm drooling on its pages right now!

DANNY: Me too! I know what I'm doing this arvo. [a few minutes pass] This edition is so much better than the last one!

ALISON: I want to marry it.

DANNY: I'm already taking it to dinner.

ALISON: Well, I'm going to be making it breakfast... ;)

DANNY: Dirty! I'm going to expose its contents to an audience of 100 million prudes!

ALISON: I'm going to treat it with respect and escort it around town.

DANNY: Hmm. Well I'm going to show it true style and buy it a Versace faux fur jacket! This orange acid free thing just isn't working.

ALISON: I'm going to polish every one of its spendid pages once a week and knit it a protective cosy.

DANNY: You always find a way to throw my lack of knitting prowess in my face, don't you! Hey! We both have a copy so there's no competition!

ALISON: That's true. Yours will be flashy and crass, and mine will be stylish yet subtle.

DANNY: LOL! Subtle as a ton of bricks in its tea cosy. Mine will be changing her name to Chic Styles.

ALISON: Not a tea cosy! A custom-designed sweater befitting a book with which I hope to spend the rest of my life!

DANNY: That's what you said to the fourteenth edition right before you knitted her a blender.

ALISON: A blender?!

DANNY: you know, the thing you make cocktails in.

ALISON: How could I knit a blender? You've lost me.

DANNY: It was a joke. Now you want to knit one, don't you? I think it'll be impossible, though.

ALISON: Yes -- wouldn't want the fuzz getting into my cosmopolitans.

DANNY: True. But imagine the glory if you did come up with a pattern!

ALISON: My ticket to the Yarn Ball of Fame!

DANNY: And maybe even that giant woolshed in the sky.

No comments: