You know what's really fast? Crochet. Crochet is really fast.
I don't really know how to do it, though. Sure, I made a pair of mittens, but the texture of my mittens is not the same as that of the mittens in the actual pattern I used! It's like setting out to knit a seed-stitch scarf and ending up with ribbing -- it's fine and it works, but... huh? What happened?
What I think happened is that I was half-double-crocheting into just the front half of each stitch, when I probably should have been going under the whole loop. (Make sense?) The mitts are not worked in a continuous spiral, but rather in one round, then you stop and turn and go back around, and so on. So the inside and outside are identical, and there's an extra-holey "seam." Anyway, I don't really know what I'm talking about... I don't have a handle on crochet vocabulary.
Once I got to attaching the thumbs, I abandoned the pattern and just winged it. One thing I like about crochet is that it is very sculptural, and you can see what you're "building" as you go. I knew I didn't just want the thumbs sticking out from the hands, so I tried to "build" a different shape, more like a knitted mitt with a thumb gusset. Oh, and I did get the ribbing at the bottom right, so I did understand fpdc and bpdc correctly.
So there you go: quick (but certainly not windproof) mittens. They're cute. Because of the crochet look, I actually think of them more as hand cozies than mittens.
OK, no more excuses. My reading list and the bathtub are calling to me...