Thursday, December 11, 2003


Last night was pizza-and-movie (and cast-on-second-sock) night. I picked up Silence of the Lambs on the way home, and then Bill called P*zza Hut, which went something like this:

Bill: I'd like to order two pizzas. I want one small pizza with double pepperoni and one small pizza with pineapple and -- pineapple. Pineapple.


Pineapple and mushroom. Pineapple! You know, um, pineapple.


Pineapple. It's a fruit.



I shout from the bedroom, where I'm looking for our Mandarin phrasebook, "It's a lucky fruit!"

OK, you know there's a pizza with ham and pineapple? Right! OK, so -- no, I don't want ham. No ham.

I've given up on the phrasebook, and I'm flipping through Bill's Chinese textbook hoping to spot an illustration of a pineapple.

Hold on; I'm trying to find the Chinese word... Pineapple! No... no, one with double pepperoni, and one with pineapple and -- pineapple!


Yellow. You know, it's like a... a... pineapple!

At this point, Bill starts to really laugh. I'm laughing because Bill is laughing. Meanwhile, the closest thing to "pineapple" I can find in the textbook is "grapes" and "watermelon."

Pineapple and mushroom. Pineapple, man! Yes! Yes!


What? Five hundred and seventy -- for two small pizzas? Why?

I say, "There's pineapple on a veggie pizza. Ask for a veggie, but with no corn and peas!" I start looking for "corn" in the Chinese book.
OK, wait. Forget that. I want a veggie pizza. No, forget the ham. No, don't worry about that. OK, so you have a veggie pizza. Veggie.


Right, vegetable. Now, I want you to take everything off the vegetable pizza EXCEPT for the mushrooms and pineapple. OK? A small veggie pizza, but take everything away except for the mushrooms and the pineapple.

I'm sitting five feet from Bill, but I actually hear the pizza guy say, "I GOT IT!"

Beautiful! Thanks, man. Thank you. Xie xie, xie xie. Xie xie ni.

Postscript: The Chinese word for pineapple is feng-li.

which smilie are you?

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